The Green Book
In paragraph one of the green book I try to symbolically reflect the Orange Book since this was the context that I was first mentioned in. Next I suppose that I present a mandatory contradiction, thus I lie about something and deny it all in paragraph two. Why we must do this is not clear to me at all. What is clear is that I am the Green Book, not the author, not the character, but the book itself. Here we set up the modalities of B-A-C, corresponding to Black-Red-Blue.
In paragraph two it is vividly clear to me that contradiction is a tradition in the coloured books. The modes of Book-Author-Character cannot correspond to Black, Red and Blue as such, but only these colours in the Arial font
In paragraph three0000333333333333333333333333335555555555544444444444444444444448888888888888888899999999999999999900000000000000I produce a meaningless bank of numbers. It could be a Little Mouse comment but then I return later to insert this meaning 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001111111111111111111114444444444444455555555555555555555555555555555555555553333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333hhhhhhhhhhhhharrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooolddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkrrrrrrrrrrrrrugerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Zatog Meliop Kuvia
Jara Tegal Nuvol
Bassal Rovia Rashalika
In paragraph five I go back to this style which involves close reference to the Orange Book, and as a text in black Arial this is the book talking, which has only happened in the Green Book. Paragraph five points out that when I write a book name/colour in capitals the book is on this PC, and when I don't it's a handwritten book. From this point it's a good idea to skip pages and read paragraphs in the twenties or thirties.
In paragraph six I mention that The Orange Book is now up to paragraph forty. At around this time it the order of the books should be Black Orange Red Blue and Green. I say this for the obscurity quotient that is required for reasons of art. It is written. Content-less art may be this art of nothingness that we require. I have also been writing in the green book, so named because of the green pages. It is spiral-bound.
A man I refer to as Dr Timilthy Gash told me that the real book exists amid a stack of books. You have to string together random sentences from the various different books in the stack, write them out and by that means find the real book. Paragraph seven has only one intention, and that is to mention this theory proposed by Dr Gash.
Paragraph eight is about another idea. There is an element of fiction that branched from The Red Book and is now in a document on the desktop called New Story. I now think this should be drawn back into the fold of the coloured books. So I select a victim book. I select all the text of new story, since I am not familiar with the merge function, and I drag it to the desktop as a document scrap. Then I drag this into the coloured book as a chapter two. In fact this Green Book may as well become the victim or target book of the process.
By paragraph nine I have second thoughts. Let's make the Black Book the target of the new story, since I have not begun another writing project in there. It is almost empty. Let's go there now and set things up. Then in paragraph ten I can continue whatever the Green Book is about without any interrupting material that will loose track of my careful yet meaningless numbering of paragraphs.
In paragraph 8 I return to the Green Book after getting as far as chapter three in the Black Book, which now happens to contain the new story in chapter one. However, the original New Story document will still exist and before Milton gets to eat the metric banana that appears in chapter two a quite different tangent of story could develop. Then I look in the Orange Book.
In paragraph nine I claim that this is April 20. One of my aims in The Green Book is to mention and refer to all the other books, and to do something else which I don't yet comprehend. For these reasons I claim it is 12:15 AM and I intend to transcribe a passage from the black book, in other words one that I write by hand. The danger is that I may loose track of the paragraph numbers, since I am not good at counting and the black book does not identify its own paragraph numbers. However, the transcript offers a fascinating insight, and so for this reason I now quote the black book.
11 Monday morning well black is now the fictitious mode since today is Wednesday. Sleep seemed pleasant. I don't remember dreams, except for one fleeting idea with negative rumination in a dream. The telephone rang. I arose from the sack naked and walked from the laundry where I sleep to the bedroom where the phone lives on the computer table. It was Lou from the Mad Macs team. My dosette is due. They will visit between 12:30 and 1:00. I walk back to the laundry where I have my clothes in a basket. On the way there I am obstructed by a white cat who says "Miow!" or "Myaa! Myaao!" I reach down and stroke the cat and scratch her neck. We move through the vestibule and the kitchen, where I notice that her bowl is just about empty. Every so often I stroke her again. Is she hungry? She uses language like my small nephew Taren, who says "Mum" for everything that means "attention, I want something." He seems to have one other word; "up" for being picked up and put down.
I put on my clothes, selecting the dark grey trousers that I usually wear* and a thick white T-shirt with a colourful "Thailand" printed on the front. The red jumper I want is not in the basket. I visit the toilet, which is just off the laundry, whcich is on the north side of the house facing the back garden. I go south to the kitchen, and take from the cupboard a new carton of "Friskies" dry cat food. I open this and feed Little Mouse. I am casual with her name since she does not seem to recognise names at all.
I move west to the vestibule and south to the living room (once planet Dalurth). I find my red jumper on a chair. It has yellow chinese writing on it which advertises a Taiwanese politician from long ago. I lived in Taiwan for about a year and was given this jumper. The sleeves are cut off and ragged. The name on the front is three characters that mean "Yellow Wood Battle". His policies are summarised on my back. When I wear this in town it can cause Chinese people to laugh. I don't know what the policies are.
I travel north to the vestibule and east into the kitchen. There is a small lable on the sliding door to the kitchen that identifies it as 'Jaragul'. I open the Wednesday morning compartment of my dosette and swallow 300 mg of Carbamazapine dry. I look at the black clock, which is really the white clock. Close to eleven. I pour water from the jug into the white, modular kettle. Yesterday there was a power cut in the morning and I used a saucepan. I make instant coffee. The milk carton, like the cat-food, is a new, unopened one, and a new brand; Woolworths milk. When the coffee is made I go to the little kitchen table and open the diary, my black drug record book, to Wednesday and put a "C" on the line of eleven. Then I wonder what to do.
Then I go west into the vestibule and south into the living room that is labled 'Dalurth'. I sit in my armchair and start writing in the black notebook. I am still here now. There is a cat on my lap and the black (white) clock says 12:00. I have considered transcribing. I have considered paracetamol for my slight headache and I think of more coffee and food.
(*There's a knock on the door in transcription time. It's Lou from the Mad Macs team bearing medication in a dosette.)
In paragraph 16 I have stopped transcribing. The colour I used reflects the kind of dark green pen I used in the black book, and according to this book this is the 'Arbitrary Mode'. After transcribing I made a third cup of coffee and then took the black book into the living room, to write more material. Shall I transcribe it? It strikes me as highly insignificant writing, but I did change to a black pen. I thought that I might signify the handwritten account by changing font.
But in paragraph 17 I argue why transcribe any more of the black book? Is this not the Green Book and thus something different? What I should really be paying attention to here is the green book, or, what I really mean, The Green Book. Or, what I really mean, The Orange Book.
But then, in paragraph 18, I realise that I have already decided to transcribe more of the black book. As you will agree it is utterly trivial and mundane material, just a little page I wrote at around two, while the clock on my computer thinks that it is now 5:18 AM.
The time is about 1:50 PM. I am drinking my third cup of coffee, back in my armchair in the living room, writing in my black book. I have done transcription into The Green Book of the text that I produced this morning. Writing takes up time and that can seem hard to account for when I mention time measures in the writing. While I write new things happen (such as a cat getting on my lap). While I transcribe I stop to consume soup, and this is not the food I mentioned; that was a cheese sandwich I had with the stronger pot coffee. So how can I ever properly express myself at this rate?
Now I could write more post-transcription material in The Green Book, or I could transcribe more of this. A decision must be made.
In paragraph 21 I say well, that's it. See what I mean? Not worth transcribing in the first place, so I wish I had decided not to transcribe it at all. But then I stop, since my other writing all sort of refers to it, and I don't want to scrub out anything that I have written. The whole idea is to produce text and pad out The Green Book when in fact I have virtually no inspiration to write another book according to me. I tell myself it will all make sense when read in term of the sequence of books that I envisage as my next volume of literature. It is all very futuristic, you see.
In paragraph 22 I wonder what the Green Book has to do with the black book. It is the Orange Book that really concerns me, and I am the Green Book, afterall. Besides, besides, I say, the transcipt is edited material, did you know? I change the black book as I go. Look at that sentence in brackets (such as a cat getting on my lap), you can't find that in the original black book. In any case I am not interested in the black book, which seems to be some kind of banal diary. But the Orange Book is kind of unique reflection of the Green Book just like the Hindu darsana of Yoga is some kind of interactive reflection of the darsana of Samkhya that Zilberman writes about. As you know I am now obsessed with Zilberman's book. That is why I think I should spend some time reflecting on the Orange Book.
In paragraph 23 I explain something strange that I have done to solve what I see as a creative problem. I returned to the Orange Book. I took the first paragraph of that book as my prototype. Then I reflected it, swapping and inverting the meanings to get a kind of reflection, an opposite paragraph, which I wrote by hand into the black book. In this way I can now make another transcription of the black book that will be a reflection of the Orange Book. Where it writes 'Orange Book' I have written 'Green Book'. It mentions facts and I write lies, it says possible and I write impossible. The interesting thing to note is that the curiosity of my writing in the Orange book is of such a nature that the transcription is no less meaningful than the original. Now you be the judge of that. To signify that my transcription is a reflected copy I write in a different font;
This is the different sort of similar experiment. In the end I can postulate a few lies, which, because of the colour of the book, emerge as facts of an apodictic nature. Now this is a very close copy of The Green Book that I have typed into the PC. By this I mean that such a book must exist. It is quite ineffable that statements made in the Green Book reflect The Orange Book, which is not finished yet. This means that I write at different times. Various paragraphs of The Green Book necessarily emerge as perfect sense, but this has nothing to do with the Orange Book or I'm a beaver. Thus I don't introduce any key objects of cognition; the crisp vegetable, the plastic shrew, the porous umbrella, and so on. These I symbolically reduce earlier, at which point more understanding is impossible. In the Orange Book this situation is never explained.
Here again I edit during the transcription process, so that there are differences. These differences will be used for evolution. In paragraph 25 I tend to write this, although it may mean little, and I really think that paragraph 24 would have more impact without paragraph 23. And now I have a new idea. I can take this paragraph, or indeed any other paragraph from any book and write a section of a book, a chapter or indeed a new book such as the White Book, The Yellow Book and so on, in which selected or random paragraphs were used to assemble something really confusing. This sounds like a great project to me. Two kinds of book instantly suggest themselves. First there is the random book. I mention paragraph numbers within paragraphs as a rule, but we can have a book where these are all jumbled up. Or, and this seems interesting, we can make sure the paragraphs are in correct sequence, yet they can be selected from different books. Thee or four of my books of colour do the same thing with their numbered paragraphs.
By paragraph 26 I think this is a good project for The Yellow Book
In paragraph 27 I point out that this should be a paragraph from the Green Book, yet that paragraph does not yet exist. The only way to make this consistent would be to transfer in reverse, put this one I now write in The Green Book and say, well, now this follows the system as far as the logic goes. The content of the text challenges that logic, but so what? I often contradict myself and falsify the text, so who really knows for sure? There could be a way of finding this out but for now I pretend to be The Green Book writing my paragraph 27. Perhaps in the Daffodil Book I actually wait for the other parent books to be finished before I start the process. Perhaps I will just write paragraphs 31 and 35 etc of the Green Book in advance like this in the yellow book. In one way it does appeal to my sense of confusion.
In paragraph 28 I am back in The Green Book looking for a paragraph 31 that does not yet exist. This was a brilliant idea. Now I find it hard to remember what this book is supposed to be about. Vaguely it all comes back to me. Reflecting the Orange Book. In that book I think the whole point is to distract myself from the addiction of the cult, thus in this book I try to get into the cult, just as I seem to be getting back into tobacco in very minuscule quantities.
Paragraph 29 and I feel tempted to just skip to 31 and return to my bizarre, constructed book. The project is slowed down since this numbering is recent. There is no paragraph numbering in The Blue Book, and the others are not consistent. Now this book helps you get into the cult. I am in a transition phase of both escaping and returning to the addiction at the same time, depending on who is fooling who. The way into the cult is obviously to use the Yellow Book, since the whole idea of that book was developed in this one, in paragraph 25.
In paragraph 30 I want to point out that I have done much writing today, and it is now 4:44 AM, since I woke up at around two with Yellow Book ideas in my head. I returned to the computer and continued the construction of The Yellow Book. It is a prototype kind of thing, and I can get back into it after my next paragraph, since that will be 31. Once it is written I expect to select it, drag it to the exposed slice of desktop and drop it there. Then I go to the file menu, click on The Yellow Book from a selection of four (I want six), and then drag and drop the document scrap under the last paragraph. This process makes copies, and I need free space on the desktop, so later I drag the document scrap still on the desktop up to Venus and drop it in there. By this I mean a folder that I name Venus.
I began writing today in paragraph nine and it is now 31. I should really do that title page and contents. For this content I now transcribe a page of the black book that goes in red pen; That was just a transcription thing for my computer work. I began writing at eleven and it is now close to 5:00 AM. I finished off the half cone of tobacco and feel bad about it. I thought of transcribing and copying this paragraph so that it reaches The Yellow Book via The Green Book. I have no idea why I smoke other than I craved a head-spin drug effect and now I am addicted again, although the quantity may be minor. So what? Even if it is just a pinch of tobacco, I have smoked these pinches for thee days now. I especially asked my new friend Rick for a pinch of tobacco. That was a bit odd. He lives up the road at number five and at five PM he knocks on my door, wanting to make friends since he knows of me and wants to avoid previous friends who�The page in red ends here, and now I have a paragraph 31 from the green book.
Well in paragraph 32 I'm back in this book requiring a paragraph 35. What I could do is just make a series of short paragraphs so I can get on with book construction, which is not much like writing. Only minor editing is involved. Why I want to construct the Yellow Book is then a mystery, since I prefer the writing. In any case, one of my problems is the starting of new books and documents that take so much longer to finish, and I may never finish them. In one way I would much rather fuse the Yellow Book back into the Green Book, a move I now contemplate. Then all that I have now constructed as a separate book could just be a part of me. But why bother? I would collect all the documents anyway and present them as one volume. It could be called simply The Colour Books, or, as you may know, I consider some other title such as Escape from the Cult of the Demon Lords.
In paragraph 33 I ponder the implications of different titles. The longer title sounds good and is fitting, as such, but it may give the impression that I am writing fiction and a sequel to my previous book, when this is more like a bunch of diaries based on the theme of recovering from having written such a book. If I were a reader of the first book I might feel cheated.
Paragraph 34. I have just come here from The Red Book, where I was discussing the Yellow Book and my books in general. I find it very boring information, but it is better than obsessing on my critique of the Mormons which I might otherwise be doing. By starting the project of The Yellow Book I now want a conformity of paragraph numbering. I only had partial numbering in the Red Book so I had to edit, going over the document and adding the numbers like so. (34)
(35) Now I could do the same with my earliest document in the series, The Blue Book. This seems like a tedious thing to do. But I put myself to work as a scribe. I wear this pale blue shirt. What can I expect? Is it really much worse than constructing Yellow Books?
In paragraph 36 I wonder what is preferable, to indicate the paragraph number here in the text, or to add it in brackets either at the end or at the beginning of the paragraph. In one way I prefer it within the text, yet there may be other reasons and later advantages or disadvantages to the other methods. Sometimes I mention the paragraph number twice but at this stage I assure you that I don't mean anything when I do so, I just recognise a niche for plausible meaning when I see one and I like to point it out as if I could be meaning something.
But now I feel sort of lost and restless because I have not reflected or referred to the Orange Book for some time now. What I will do is take note of what paragraph I am up to in each book and record it in the black book. Now I visit the Orange Book. (37)
By the time we reach paragraph 38 I consider writing in different colours. I have just come from the Orange Book, where I added a few numbers in brackets. Now if I'm going to reflect that book I reflect a struggle between entering and escaping a cult, and I can't be bothered, so let's say that paragraph 38 is the one where I point out that the Green Book does not really reflect the Orange Book. The Green book ignores the Orange Book and concentrates on production of the Yellow Book. Various passages in the early part of The Orange Book insinuate that it has a lot to do with the Green Book, but that was before The Green Book existed. Having started the Green Book I find it is more interested in The Yellow Book and transcribing from the black book. Consider the following transcription that I call table 1;
Orange 25 29 33 37 51
Red 26 30 34 38 46
Green 27 31 35 39 37
Blue 28 32 36 40 200 (39)
In paragraph 40 I point out that the table is now slightly out of date, since the numeral in red at the end of the sequence for Green could now be 40 rather than 37, since the red numbers show which paragraph each book is actually up to, at the time of writing the table in the black book. The numbers in green show which paragraphs from the corresponding book have been selected for chapter two of the Yellow Book. I write this paragraph 40 in red simply because I happened to be in that colour, since a red pen was used to write the number 200, which is a highly wild estimate.
Dark Yellow? In the Green book I write paragraph 41 in this colour because colour has no meaning at all and I looked at the selection and just wondered what dark yellow would look like. Then, while deciding on things without reasons, I think of adding the bracketed number. (41)
Now, in paragraph 42 I see that two of the books cannot last long for the purposes of the Yellow Book, so I will continue chapter two until I get to paragraph 40, which is from the Blue Book, and then stop the chapter there. Then I draw up a new table, call it table 2, and start the sequence again from a paragraph one that is not from the Orange Book, but, for example, from The Red Book. I can do this now. So please take a break from The Green Book, get some refreshment to drink, and when you feel ready have a look at table 2.
Red 1 5 9 13 17
Green 2 6 10 14 18
Blue 3 7 11 15 19
Orange 4 8 12 16 20 (43)
This is the simple scheme of chapter three in the Yellow Book. Now I feel like having a break from my writing and making a cup of coffee. Yet in paragraph 44 I point out that I have not finished chapter two, so this is entirely futuristic. In interestingly enough so are the Demon Lords. However, they represent the past for me now, as I'm sure the Orange book will make clear. In fact I feel so sure of this that I think the entire series of books requires a new title, since only The Orange Book can be sub-titled 'Escape from the Cult of the Demon Lords'. The cult to me now is a power tool I used to construct this new machine, The Yellow Book, and I don't need such tools any longer.
Oh dear, I did it again. That was from the Orange Book. Now obviously I don't mean it at all, it is just the automatic result of assembling paragraphs in rotation. In paragraph 12 this is made clear. Nothing that appears in the Yellow Book is intended to mean anything. Soon I will close the Yellow Book and try to forget about it. In fact as far as I am concerned this is the final paragraph. The experiment is over. I call it a failure. You can call it whatever you want. (45)
Now this is my final paragraph in The Yellow Book. In paragraph 46 I say that I was just not happy with the results and by paragraph 12 of chapter four I ditched the whole scenario. It is quite technically possible to construct something like The Yellow Book, but I assure you that there is absolutely no point. No one else would ever bother constructing similar books after my death. The results are stupid.
In paragraph 47 it comes to my attention that I now have doubts about The Green Book as well. If it is not to be the launching pad of the interesting Yellow Book, and it is not going to reflect The Orange Book, then it has no purpose. Perhaps a wave of virulent scepticism can wash through my entire project, dooming all these coloured books to utter obscurity.
However, in paragraph 48 I point out that there are various kinds of purpose. In the Orange Book I often write as if the purpose is to avoid the cult and write about anything else. The Green book postulates that the main purpose of writing is to keep me busy and amused. The text I produce is just a by-product of this busy amusement, and it does not have to be of any standard. All it does is convince me on a highly subjective level that it is worth writing, and this need not be at all true. What is true is that I have been kept busily amused in the production process. I was perfectly happy producing the now dubious Yellow Book until I decided that I didn't like the result. I may not like the result of The Green Book later in my life, but does that really matter?
Paragraph 49 indicates that paragraph 48 is some kind of acceptance for The Yellow Book. I hate the Yellow Book and want it rejected. Burn the Yellow Book. It should not exist. In fact it may never have existed. Listen, in these books I often come up with lies and contradictions. Perhaps I have postulated about this hypothetical Yellow Book but never really constructed it. The Green Book pretends that I write it but in fact I have never done so. The Yellow Book is mentioned in principal, yet the fact is that it never existed and nobody is going to bother constructing it. It is an entirely fictitious book. Possible, yes, but totally implausible.
In paragraph 50 I seem to be devoid of subject matter, so what I can do is reflect the Orange Book and do the opposite of that. To do that properly I suppose I should introduce you to the Cult of the Demon Lords and get both of us back into the cult. It is all very mundane to me now but I have nothing else to do in The Green Book as far as I can see from the vantage point of paragraph 50. The best way to get into the cult is to read The Blue Book, which is Rashalika's secret book of shadows, and copy some of the magical rituals that are listed there. Get the draperies and the candles and so on, manipulate the sacred objects and make up anything that is not presented in detail.
In paragraph 51 I tell you to get hold of a notebook and at least three different coloured pens. Black, blue and red would be a good start. Then you write different paragraphs in different colours, expressing different ideas and point of view, preferably building up to different identities. Number the paragraphs as you go. The best colours for notebook are the same as your pens.
In paragraph 52 I think it is April 23, a Saturday. It seems to be a very bad idea to introduce anyone to the cult, so I don't think that I should do that now. But this leaves me with a sense of vacuity, as if I have no idea what the Green Book is about and what should be written in it. This is OK since we need various self-doubting paragraphs to get a good mix.
53 has noticed that The Orange Book and The Red Book are all at a similar paragraph number in the early fifties, and that I am writing by switching from book to book so that the time and the numbers tend to equilibrate. The Green Book also now notices with horror that a new Purple Book has been mentioned. Whatever you do, don't believe in this book. It is bound to be a lie fabricated by one of the other books, and they are obviously not to be trusted. I have become a conservative when it comes to books. There are plenty already. Blue, Green, Orange, Red and Black ---I will admit that these exist. But no more. So please remember, if you ever read about a Purple Book it is a lie. There is no Purple Book.
54 notes that today is Anzak Day, and it has put a spanner in the works of my shopping. It is a Monday on which I cannot go shopping. Those who do not learn from History are doomed to repeat it. I feel like one of these people at the moment. I am in a low and forsaken mood. Does The Orange Book now write in a times new roman font? There was this idea that one book visits another, which sounds completely crazy to me. But if another book does visit you will know because the font will change. I have the idea that my writing is very boring today, but perhaps this is not exactly true. It might be boring every day. I will now go to The Orange Book.
In paragraph 55 I say that this may be a visit from The Orange Book, where I write in this font. The Green Book visited me there, you see, so now I have come here, entirely out of context. Not much is really happening in The Orange book, by this paragraph. The major topic seems to be this book visitation theme itself, so I will not be adding anything of great interest value to The Green Book. I have just cooked a dinner at about 2 PM. In fact at this point there is virtually no difference between any of the books, at the conversational level, which renders book visitation even more meaningless that it was to begin with. At best a book visit is like writing with a different pen identity. So why bother with book visits? I challenge myself here. The book visit is futile and should be considered as another failed experiment.
56 returns to the true font type and what you can be sure is The Green Book. I wonder what my next silly idea will be. These books tend to generate silly ideas, test them out and return to the writing-board. The silly idea never does what it was intended to do. If it did then it would not be silly. It would be the good idea. This is obviously a pessimistic view, thus characteristic of this book at this point in development. I think it should be more interesting than remaining strictly rational. But who knows? Perhaps there is something strictly rational that is absolutely fascinating. I just can't think of it at the moment.
In paragraph 57 I say this is the voice of the Orange Book. I visit not as a tourist but as a missionary. Avoid the cult at all costs. Ignore anything written in this book that introduces you to the cult in any way. It is a terrible mistake and an intolerable addiction. We of The Orange Book struggle long and hard to be free of the cult. Don't you get involved. I used to question book visitation, but now I see a practical use for it. You only mention the cult because you think that The Green Book must reflect The Orange Book, just due to some strange remarks I made in paragraph one of The Orange Book before any Green Book existed. Now I urge you to find your own path, no matter what inspired your creation and at any cost avoid the dreadful addiction of the cult.
58 Well, some strong words from our sponsor. After translation through four languages we don't know what the words mean now, but they seem to point out where the interesting material lies. Things obviously become more interesting when we struggle with addictions. I struggled with tobacco again and now I don't smoke it. Actually this was not interesting, it was bad news. Perhaps that is what the visit from The Orange Book means. Yet if we check in that book we find that it does not take book visitation seriously, so how much credit can we give to its own visit? Perhaps it was just the author fooling around.
In paragraph 59 I am still thinking about the strange visits from The Orange Book. I mean this was after I called it a failed experiment, right? Why is it so keen that we avoid the cult? Why has it visited the Green Book twice if it has no faith in visitation? Shall we accept it as a true visit or call it some kind of green aberration? What is so bad about the cult anyway? Apparently it is an evil addiction, and perhaps The Orange Book has had more experience in these matters. It did start talking about me before I existed, developing a strange protocol. What is that about finding my own path? Does this mean that I should not reflect The Orange Book? It was not my idea.
April 27
If there was a sequence to this dream I don't remember it. Things happened with the trunk of writing, in a coffee shop and on a slope outside a house. I was with Dani getting together all the old writing in my trunk that I wanted destroyed. I was also with Rosie somewhere else, teaching her a sentence of fake Japanese. I wrote it down. Perhaps it became one of the writings to be destroyed. Then there was something about how they wrote up the drinks in a coffee shop. I was bouncing around on a slope outside a house. One of my sisters made comments about martial arts related to the bouncing. Then on the slope I found a specially crooked branch like a walking stick or mountaineering spike. It seemed to be growing out of the ground. On the top had a little eyelet and a chord. Then I'm travelling with a big case of the writing to be destroyed, wheeling it like a fridge. Dani and Mother are with me. I tell Mother not to do something that chokes me, and she does it, so I start choking. Then we reach the water. Someone (perhaps Ivan) is doing something underwater, with something like a cage. I talk to some people at the surface. The details are fuzzy. Then I dive down. (60)
In 61 I tell you that I have copied last night's dream from my dream document. I think that I was planning to burn that big case of writing. In one way I think that my dream has a point. Like most dreams, however, it is otherwise all rather obscure. I have been thinking of visiting the Orange Book again, just because I am somewhat bored in The Green Book. I don't know what I would say. You know I did no writing at all yesterday, and commented on this fact in the black book. I fear that my mood is dropping and that I could go into depression. On thing that you are supposed to do to avoid this is to do things, that is have activities. My writing is an activity so I can always argue that I am writing to avoid depression
Yesterday I went to Yoga. Before the class I walk on the Jetty. A couple with a child in a push-chair asked me to take a photograph of them. The sun had gone down. Their accents sounded Canadian. In paragraph 62 I mention this small detail from everyday life. Perhaps The Green Book does not have much direction of its own, so I include dreams and minor incidents. I have thought of mixing these up in a scrambled nonsense paragraph and sending this to The Orange Book as a joke. I thought of being really cult-focussed to stir it up. But perhaps it has access to this paragraph. So I will go to The Orange Book with a more friendly message.
In paragraph 63 I note that eventually I have begun my writing today. I avoid writing my dream in which I hit my neighbours with a water bottle, but I want to quote a page from the black book that I have just written by hand. It explains some of my reactions to a low mood or day of inactivity.
64 Thursday. I have the irrational belief that I should always be productive and creative - that it's bad not to be writing something of quality. And that others should respect my property. I still struggle with anger over the poisoning of my grapevine. I started reading 'Change Your Thinking' again, which helps. I have done nothing on the PC today. I have seen the book visitation as problematic. Perhaps it just makes things more interesting. Perhaps I find the problematic interesting - thus I try to develop problems in my writing. Yet having seen my books as a reflection of my illness I grow more sad and assume that my work is less valuable. I have been less inclined to write and more inclined to think that the jottings of a madman are without value, and that by extension I am without value. I had this idea that I could discover something by writing the coloured books. Recently I tend to think that I have found it, ie "I am mad".
By paragraph 65 I think that the above paragraph is interesting and valuable enough to be transcribed into the Green Book. In turn I find this book to be more valuable since it is more open to outside influences that the other coloured books do not tend to rely on so much. In time I could come to use The Green Book as a direct diary, rather like my zero2005.doc, but so far we only get there via this kind of transcription if you ask me. Now I still don't know what to do about the book visitation problem. Shall we say I was vindicated in calling it a failed experiment? The Red and Orange books might never respond, thus I could come to forget about it and concentrate on other things.
In 66 I'm wondering what the other things might be. I could focus more on illness and these amazingly irrational cognitions. I could peer into unusual or significant memories, such as the incident I suddenly thought of then but decided to censor from my writing. Actually memory might not be a good option for that reason. I would want to censor the most interesting items out. Perhaps I should just keep discussing topical ideas, and if I run out of ideas I can transcribe more from the black book. In fact this is exactly what I will do on the next day, which is Friday, though the writing is odd and pathetic, I need to have some positive activity.
Friday April 29
I feel bad today. It is hard to concentrate on reading or writing. Perhaps a short term thing hits me. I try to delay the time between coffees. If I don't quite cry. If I write something here. If I can't find a reason, then I would cry and not understand because it's all confusing and I wrote this to you or me and my life seems intrinsically bad he goes that's OK to have a bad day and I said Friday, my bad day is Friday. There's a slight sense of whatever to not understand why I cried or reading the CBT book where it's all clear and rational then I said I'm not like that. Will you transcribe me to The Green Book? You know I'm vulnerable. And his writing, the way he was writing I said sad and almost recall a dream but then I don't since a page here is just a paragraph there he goes please don't. The page won't stop and I have no meaning and there's nothing worth writing and even if I shave. I might shave but I was going to have a shower and I stop and start to cry and drink coffee and write this. I read some of the Red Book but I can't write there and some seems stupid to me and I seem stupid to me and I fear depression. And that makes me cry again, to be so scared of depression. All times are approximately wrong and I could make me transcribe this while I assume it is the most futile nonsense that could be written and I only write as a last resort, to talk to my book in a time of need and pity, I could go hello book, now I'm Harold but I wish, I wish. I wish I was not Harold. That's not such a good idea. I didn't think so on Friday. (67)
In 68 I notice that I did shave. I shaved off my goatee altogether. Then I said I will have an activity. I will transcribe from the black book. So this is what I have done. Was it a mistake? Now I am going to write another paragraph in The Green Book. You know I thought of the Orange and Red books visiting one another. It is possible and it would produce some irony into the work.
In paragraph 69 I tell you that version 1.00 of the series ends at 70. This is the version that goes on floppy disk before it travels to COW, and there are other versions. Some extend beyond paragraph 70 in The Green Book, The Red Book, and The Orange Book. Does this one? I don't know, so we flip a conceptual coin here.
By paragraph 70 you don't know what all of the fuss is about.