The Red Book
This is not the red book. There are two red books and they are written by hand. This is not a copy of either of them, rather it is an entirely fake document that pretends to copy them. There is no excuse at all for this kind of book, and no knowing what I intend to use it for, no knowing what I will write. This is because I do not know and I have not decided. I have nothing in mind. (1)
This is the red book. My statement becomes true via the simple convention that I have opened a document and picked my nose and called it the red book. In cases of simple referral we call this the red book for convenience and ignore my first paragraph. In paragraph two I note that I like to begin these books of a colour documents with such a contradiction and I only include it in this red book as a matter of tradition. I don't mean it at all.
By paragraph three the Little Mouse comments, only now she has nothing to say and nor do I because I am waiting in what is known as a muse-less zone, a state without any writing inspiration at all. On the other hand the good thing is that I am writing. On the previous hand it is not a good thing to be writing if I have nothing to write about. On the other hand I am writing about this situation. This is not so much a contradiction as a paradox, or antinomial situation, to be known as paragraph three, the first Little Mouse comment.
Paragraph four is a response to paragraph three. I want to write fiction as I have done in "The Science-Fiction Bible Of The Demon Lords", yet I am not inspired to. What I will do is to simulate fiction by simply telling lies. These are transparent lies. I am planning paragraph five, a story of my morning that is simply not true. Then this will contrast to a bizarre truth in paragraph six. I have no clever plan behind this kind of presentation, since I decide here and now for no obvious reason. Perhaps Little Mouse can comment in paragraph seven, but that is a bit too Science Fiction for paragraph four of the red book.
In paragraph five I explain how I woke at six. For breakfast I had a hamburger and a banana milkshake, then I injected myself with petrol and watched ten minutes of television. I am a petrol addict. Then I began writing chapter two of Grothnor the Terrible on my PC that was still called Infernal Writing Machine. I wrote all morning.
In paragraph six I explain how I posted a strange letter to BirdE, explaining how I had left the Cult of the Demon Lords, and since he was the only person to have joined the cult he was now the Grand Master. The future of the Cult is in some sense in his hands. It usually existed with only one member, but I notice it can expand to two at about the time of transition.
In paragraph seven I reflect on the previous two paragraphs, in reference to paragraph four. Both are a bit on the strange side, but the petrol injection really gives it away, so five is a lie and six is the truth. Some people cannot accept my truth anyway, and call it a lie. I would remember and it would anger me. But now�.
The red book, so what is it really about? Shall I continue to number the paragraphs? Perhaps paragraph seven is the last one I number. Can the truth be as interesting as my lies? Are my lies interesting at all? There is something horrible about petrol injection, but not really interesting. Should I therefor plan to write fiction and use the red book as some kind of launching pad? But I don't feel inspired. I have no manic energy, that's for sure.
This is the way I began the red book. It was now Friday April 8th, and my idea was to look back into the past of the book from here and then sort of feel into the future, using the past as a basis for what I would write next. Now I have reached a cross-roads, and could go in any of several directions. This could be a Little Mouse comment but she has nothing to say. I could continue presenting paradoxes and contrasts. I could elaborate on my lies or on my truth. If I elaborate on my truth this brings the red book back to a diary, and not much different from my zero 2005 document. Yet the red books I wrote by hand were diaries. (8)
To write fiction I could just get some of my previous characters and throw them into a new situation, elaborating from there. I could have Milton Brown and the silver crow, Guru. We place them at a multiple nexus that the previous fiction developed, like at the coffin full of books in the desert, and sort of see what they do next. (9)
"Come no closer, Earthling. You should not look in this coffin. Remember that curiosity killed the cat." (10)
"Oh, said Milton," said Milton, reading his lines from the black book.
"Hey you don't say that bit," said Guru, "You don't say "said Milton.""
"Sorry," said Milton, "I'm thirsty and dizzy."
Then I stopped writing this and returned to more obvious red book material. (11)
"Well," said Guru, "now that I have been Introduced I can interrupt the text of the red book at any time and add my comments or ask questions."
I had no faith that the story was going anywhere or was going to be any good. My fiction was supposed to be good. That in itself could be the problem, my expectation. Anyway, at least I show that from this point the red book could have turned into pure Science-Fiction and continued that way for the whole document. This means it would not be the kind of red book I had in mind, so I return to a kind of narrative in which I talk to you. If I want to write this new story I should start a new document.
"Too late for that," inserted Guru later, "But when I speak give me a new font or italic so that I may avoid the quotes and be recognised. It is my plan to add my comments after Harold has written the paragraph, thus he writes without the knowledge of what I add later."
So I did this, calling it New Story and leaving it on the desktop. The problem is that I have few ideas and I don't want to write it. I want to write the red book. Perhaps I should force myself and see what happens�.yet I don't want to write new stories within the same Science Fiction world, since that is the old world of the Demon- Lords and the cult I have quit.
It may not be possible to quit the cult or avoid your fictional characters.
That time I heard Guru speaking to be. Perhaps I can ignore him and he will go away.
No, I won't go away. I am here to engage you in dialogue. That is not the same as a new story, but you need the new phase to be reflective of the past, and I represent the past. Everyone needs a Guru, you know. (12)
I wrote the next paragraph of the red book in an odd state of mind. How valid could my character Guru ever be if I was the one writing his lines? Was it not then a dialogue with myself rather than a monologue to the reader? It is at this point in my life that I consider taking up Buddhist meditation. The notion of a spiritual teacher is on the cards. Yet I am familiar with the idea that we can teach ourselves. (13)
But this is really zero document material. Should it go in a separate red book at all?
Yes, stick to the red book because the difference may show in the future.
Guru, did I ask you?
If you ask a question in the red book I can answer it.
Well, that's nice of you, but
And I can just butt in and make comments.
I have noticed. (14)
By the next paragraph I look back at what has happened in the red book. It was me in one way, but a surprise to me in another way. Having began a little fiction I found that I had introduced a character into the book, and that character took over. He does have a point, since it makes sense that my current writing will have basis in the past even if I never write Science-Fiction of that kind ever again. I did not at first expect him to talk to me directly, but there are no rules against that. I was always interested in the fringes and overlap of different styles and the meanings involved. Guru, now can you be my real Guru or am I fooling myself? (15)
Both are possible, it is really up to you how you react to me. (16)
You know I want to ask for help in one way but I have been too proud, and the problem is that if I lie to myself here in your words then I deceive myself. I fear that you cannot have reality and that I pretend.
(17)
No matter, you will talk to me. Why be so scared? Even if I have no personal reality you might learn something in the mistake, and this will just be the way you choose to organise your thoughts and work things out. I don't mind if you always take this Guru with a grain of salt. After all, it would be one of the strangest ways to meet a Guru. (18)
OK, Guru, If you don't mind then I will take you with a grain of salt. You know I have a very sceptical side. And will this be what I mean now when I talk of the red book? Conversations with Guru? (19)
That is a possibility, but this is the kind of book that cannot be predicted, being open ended. Almost anything you can write could be written. (20)
I stumbled from the red book into the mica desert, the red book clutched in my hand. There were flashes of light all around me. I was looking for the silver crow. He was nowhere in sight. (21)
I walked through the desert until the mica was gone and I could see only sand. I found a coffin and opened it. It was full of books. I returned to the red book, leaving it in the coffin. (22)
On the other hand I am in the red book while I write being out of it. I slept in the afternoon and had a dream. I wrote my dream into the Dream document. Then I came here and wrote I walked through the desert�etc. Can Guru hear me now? I can only vaguely imagine him.
(23)
Yes, I can hear you, and I will always respond in the red book. (24)
What do you think of the orange book I started? (25)
It does seem still very interested in cult themes, I know what you mean, but the idea is now a book for getting out of the cult. (26)
That was another book for me. That CBT book, Change Your Thinking. That was the book that really got me out of the cult, if I am out. Am I out, Guru? (27)
Perhaps you put too much emphasis on the somewhat arbitrary difference between being either in or out of the cult. You are just changing your relationship to it. Something like the new relations between the Rational, Imaginary and Speculative modes that you wrote in the black book. (28)
Oh, that black book. I wonder why I made these books ambiguous. You know I began another black book on the PC. Perhaps I should copy into it from the hand-written book you refer to. (29)
Whatever you want (30)
A day goes past and things happen. I get right into the Orange Book. Today I fear to write in it, scared of a cult addiction. I inject myself with petrol and arrange for an hour or more in delay of coffee, which I call clause epsilon. Now Guru, do you think that it is really dangerous to write in colours? (31)
Well, for you it could be, if you really want to tear your attention away from cult matters and not have the Orange Book emerge as another cult book. But I think you have more control than you credit yourself for. I think you are planning a cult escape in some detail already and you fear to write it out because that entails going back into colour for a while. I don't think that should be a major obstacle. But why lie to me that you inject with petrol? (32)
Ah, that is a sort of joke for me now. I don't suppose it is very funny. OK, now I think that I can face The Orange Book. I may only write in here again when I have questions for you. (33)
April 15
I woke at six thirty. For breakfast I have half a cold hamburger and a mango milkshake. Then I inject myself with petrol and watch half an hour of television. Later I work on chapter two of Grothnor the Terrible. (34)
As we know this is not true, yet it remains as a kind of fiction I can develop and say wow, I feel lucky that it is false and that I don't really inject with petrol. On the other hand I sort of envy the way he can get so much work done on the Grothnor document. For myself all I can do is a few introductory paragraphs. I need another character who has dreams about hoofed animals with horns, as these are significant to the cult. Yet strangely I don't think much of this, which is my own writing the Red Book document. Anyway, I certainly don't get up that early. But how to get off the petrol? I mean I should try to improve his life. (35)
I have written some strange things in the orange book. I now realise that I have been transcribing to fonts what I could have done as colours all along. I am never very aware of the computer that I use or what it can do. I even thought that Guru could write in red. (36)
Red? Red? Why should I write in red? I can write in purple, and now I may as well do so since you have mixed up the normal and the italic text. You have used italic for all of today's entry. Do you think that I said that? (37)
Oh, sorry, Guru. I have made a mistake. I didn't realise that the italic button was still on. Now can you help, Guru? We want to get this character off petrol. What do you suggest? (38)
Why ask me? You have been working on addictions more than I have. Why not use some of your own methods? Start him on a black book, a drug record diary like you now use. I've noticed that you record your cups of coffee now with a purple biro. (39)
Yes, I do. OK, so he has to keep a record. But I've never been on an injecting drug addiction like that. I can get him to swap it for a lesser addiction, like smoking weed. (40)
Well you can try, but it's really up to the character. He must really want to change himself. Why did you have him injecting petrol in the first place? (41)
It was just an idea I formed. When I walk to the shopping mall, Castle Plaza, I go past a place that works on cars. They had a sign up that said petrol injection. I regularly walked past the sign. Soon my mind took this in a new and literal way. I thought of going in there and asking for a petrol injection. When it came to writing lies or fiction for the Red Book that was just one idea that surfaced. I regret it now, however, since it seems to be a problem that I have to solve. (42)
Well you do have some responsibility for your characters, but maybe not in the way that you think. Anyway, I would be surprised if a human could survive an injection of petrol. (43)
Perhaps not. But my character might not be human. He could be an android. Or it could be a tiny injection. (44)
Hey Guru, I keep making new books of colour. All yesterday I worked on The Yellow Book, and so I kept returning to The Green Book, and thus transcribing from the black book. Because I worked on the Yellow book I kept on going to the Orange Book, The Red Book, The Green Book and The Blue Book in that sequence. Now I think that I should finish the other books before starting The Yellow Book, and I should number all my paragraphs in this Red Book. (45) Now I have gone back and done this.
By paragraph 46 I realise that I need no response from Guru, here I am just talking to myself. If the books keep proliferating colours will not be enough. Obviously the next step is numbered books. Yet because of the situation I now face with The Yellow Book, I should stop writing here and write in The Green Book.
Paragraph 47. Today I didn't like writing in the Green Book so I came here to The Orange Book. To cut down on books I got rid of the Yellow Book and in fact The Green Book denies it completely, saying that it was never written. It is now isolated in a folder called yellow, and actually it is unique. I began new chapters randomly. I wrote some paragraphs in real time, and the whole of chapter one does not follow the rotation system I devised. It is an arbitrary selection. In these ways you could construct something like The Yellow Book if you were mad enough, but to exactly reproduce THAT Yellow Book is going to be almost impossible. In this way it was a strange experiment that is now finished. You can tell it was started since I went through The Blue Book and added paragraph numbers up to 137 (not 200), which is as far as I have gone with this document. Perhaps I should go back to my transcribing work, since that original blue book is still on the computer table with a red book, between the tower and the monitor
For paragraph 48 I got up, ate half a hamburger for breakfast with a banana and mango milkshake, injected with petrol and watched an hour of television. Then I started work on chapter three of Grothnor the Terrible. Derick came around with some weed so I bought some, thinking that next time I could smoke and avoid the petrol as a way of getting out of this terrible addiction. I also bought a black diary to make a record of my drug use.
In paragraph 49 I observe that It might not be petrol, but I now know someone who wants to avoid injecting drugs and by comparison does not find weed much of a drug problem. He wants to avoid speed and his former friends who were into it, so he knocked on my door asking to be my friend. I give him a go, but it was all rather strange. He wants a friend like me who only smokes weed and is thus not into drugs, since for him drugs mean something injected like speed.
In 50 it seems that the other document is at a similar level, and I really can't last long in here without now looking in The Orange Book.
51 brings me back to the Red Book after visiting and adding to two other books, which argue about another book, The Purple Book. Now I really have no fixed opinion in the debate. It may or may not exist. It might have been started and now lies on the desktop. It might never be written. Or it may not exist now but nothing can stop me starting such a document in the future, so by the time you read this it may well exist. It could be like when the Orange Book was discussing The Green Book, then later on I created a Green Book.
52. Sometimes I can get confused as to which book I am in or which character I am being. But this is not often so it hardly matters at all. Should I talk to Guru? I don't really have anything to ask him. Perhaps I should write more of The Black Book. Then I think that I have done enough writing for today and decide to shut down the machine.
In 53 I am changing fonts just as if another book were visiting, but this is not the case. It is the 25th of April and I thought that if the books did visit one another then they should have different fonts so that it was clear which book was talking. The problem is that it would look exactly like this kind of font change. Now the Red Book uses Book Antiqua because both the font and the colour are associated with Rashalika. Who else would really be behind the Red Book? This is something I say for fun, however, not something I really mean. In the end you can always tell when I am truthful or just kidding.
Now is seems that The Green Book has visited The Orange Book, yet basically we can only tell because the paragraph says so. In paragraph 54 I say this is a bad idea. The only technical difference is a font change, and I've done that already. You could claim that paragraph 52 and all the Arial font above it is a visitation from The Green Book. This would be tragic. I want to make it very clear that The Red Book has never had such a visitation yet and does not particularly want one. Nor do I want to visit the other books myself. What would I say outside of my normal context? In fact the paragraphs could just be swapped around after they had been written in the correct book, thus a pseudo-visit. The latter is even more dangerous, since then things could get confused.
In 55 I get up at six. For breakfast I have a hamburger and a mango milkshake. Then I get the needle ready, but suddenly smoke three cones of weed instead, putting my mind off the petrol. I watch two hours of television and work on chapter three of Grothnor the Terrible.
Paragraph 56. I notice there are visits going on between the Orange and Green Books, but I don't want to get involved. I just want to be ready in case I get a visit. Anyway, if this book were ever published I'm sure that there would be a problem with the fonts, making the text even more meaningless than it is already. When I copied a text in Red into the Yellow Book it emerged as green, so all sorts of things can go wrong. If you are reading an edition of these books that makes very little sense, just remember that it could have been different at the time it was written.
For paragraph 57 I say hello Red Book, this is The Green Book and I have been communicating with The Orange Book. Because things are a bit boring we are going to get some conversation happening between the different books. I suggest you visit all the other books of colour. Send inconsistent messages so we don't know for sure what is going on and therefor we have something to talk about. The Orange Book tells me that you should think seriously about the cult. Please tell me what is going on in The Red Book. Is it interesting?
In paragraph 58 I say look, this is just what I feared. What is this silly Green Book writing about? Things are a bit boring? Speak for yourself, Green Book. Why should I get involved?
In paragraph 59 I say you may as well get involved. We finish this version (1.00) at paragraph 70. Now the Green Book has finished, but by visiting I live on as the ghost of the book. You may as well communicate before the end
You mean this version can end in a few paragraphs? Aaaahhh, then get out! I don't want the ghost of The Green Book clogging up the ending of The Red Book. Wait til I tell the purple book about this. Obviously I only say that to annoy The Green Book, which does not believe in The Purple Book. In paragraph 60 I wonder what I should spend my final paragraphs writing about. Now that I think about it I should try to write in the other books, that is if The Green Book is reliable. If I visit the Orange Book I won't tell him what is happening.
In paragraph 61 I report that this is the second of May, a Monday, and I have just jotted down The backlog of two dreams in the dreams document after forcing myself to turn on the machine. I had some apprehension. I find it easy to write in the black book, since that is by hand, and harder to write in The Red Book, which lies hidden at the top of a crystal tower. Then I thought well, even if you read version 1.00 and I end it at paragraph 70, that version can still be added to. The paragraphs should continue to be self identified but it does not matter what is written or who is the author. Don't worry, you can fake a really authentic Red Book, and since it continues after 70 it will be given a new version number. This is all I need.
For paragraph 62 I wake at six thirty. For breakfast I have a hamburger and a banana milkshake. I nearly smoke but instead I inject with petrol. The quantities are tiny. Then I smoke anyway, just to get into the habit. I record my drug intake in a black diary. I watch half an hour of television and spend the rest of the morning working on chapter three of Grothnor The Terrible.
In paragraph 63 I wonder what has happened to Guru. I would give a paragraph just to hear his voice again. On the other hand I can't think of a good question to ask him, so the answer may not be worthwhile hearing. But is anything really worthwhile or indeed not worthwhile? This can be a highly subjective question. I finished reading my book of Zilberman, which is only chapter one of his whole book anyway. I don't think I am any the wiser. But according to the floppy disk this Red Book is the next one to be finished in the series. The Green Book is already there. If only I could think of something really good to write between now and the end of the book. Hey, Guru, what should I write? I really have no idea at all.
64 In that case don't write anything, and you can leave the space for other visiting books to fill in. Some people retire and die in pretty much the same way, as far as I can see, and the coloured books are analogies of a series of lives. This much has been made clear. Then the clarity can be contrasted against the backdrop of confusion, and we can have a few passages that rave on about the crisp vegetable and other key objects of cognition just to really develop the backdrop.
In 65 I say this is the Green Book, and I think it is a good idea. I don't mind raving on about the crisp vegetable in my sleep. But what I want to do is quote from the black book in paragraph 66. I have found this page today that adds virtually no information at all to the scenario that we know about. I really don't mind wasting your time.
66 Now that the Green Book is finished I have fewer fears of transcription although that could happen in another version. Now I force myself to turn on the machine.
Then I notice that it is hard to finish off the last 10 paragraphs of The Red Book. I really have no idea what to write. I feel some form of consuming agitation. It will probably be the same for The Orange Book. Either I am driven to write or dragged. Now I drag. My work is cut out but I only have a vague emptiness instead of inspiration to fill the final paragraphs.
Suddenly in paragraph 67 a lot of phoney yet interesting things happen. The sky peels open and rains down the crisp vegetables. One explodes at the advise of the plastic shrew and the floor of rotten lemons trembles in anticipation of the dawn. Worms wriggle in the aquarium and the cheesed off mouse begs to differ for a new battery. The purple wallpaper unpeels and�
In paragraph 68 I put a stop to all that nonsense and return to a sensible font, my life flashing in a perfect hologram before my eyes. Now I call this Times New Roman, so in fact this is the Orange Book. All I can say to you now is avoid different fonts. Avoid the cult. Never write in colours and brush your teeth 12 times a day. What? Oh no, I just added that for fun. That would really damage your teeth. If teeth
The Orange Book returns in paragraph 69, not at all happy with the idiotic scrawling that drains my final hours. If I thought it would take long to finish the book then I was mistaken. My book is almost over now. What a strange book. How unfinished it seems. How full of paradoxes that will never be explained. On the other hand I have nothing more to say.
In paragraph 70 I say nothing at all. This is written.